and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
