Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i came on her dog
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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