She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
