So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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