I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I am never drinking with the goths again.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
