You just made me feel so damn special
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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