Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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