I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
