wake up i wanna do it froggy style
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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