..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
