I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
