Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i love accidental penises.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
