Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
