I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
