I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
