dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
3 2 1 whiskey
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm too high and old for this...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
