her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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