Pants 0. Shit 1.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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