Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
