Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just want to make out with him forever
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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