you should give me head with plastic fangs in
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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