I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
what day is it and did you see me today?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
