Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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