My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
