I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
