Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
