I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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