i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
