did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Randomize
