Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize