You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
