I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize