I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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