My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
