Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
