I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
third nipple confirmed
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
