I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He uses pillows to masturbate.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My pussy is not your playground.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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