it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
