I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
