His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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