I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
