I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
