Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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