My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize