Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize