Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
