I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
