I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
