im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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