Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
