life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
