This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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