I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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