he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
