hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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