can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
jump out the window naked night went bad
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
