from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You can't motorboat a personality
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
