Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
