can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
