Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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