you guys were way drunker than both of me
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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