I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
