It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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