I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
