you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
