Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize