4 words: hood of his car
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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